The Effects of Pixie Poo
by CrimsonAccent
Summary: A never before seen missing moment from Half-Blood Prince. crack!fic. Warning: silliness and general absurdity may be present. Also known as "The Boy Who Lived to Cockblock Gingers".


**A/N: Another collab by Astoria Goode and I. The doc we were working on was quite hostile and uncooperative, but somehow we made it through, even with malfunctions. The working title was "The boy who lived to cockblock gingers" if anyone cares.**

The Effects of Pixie Poo

Harry slapped his butt. Today was the day. And not just any day. The day. The day he was going to cockblock Ron and Hermione that one last time. And the only reason that it was the last time was because this time he was going to dissuade them from having sex ever again. Boy, was he ready.

"Hermione!" Ron cried, flushed from the adrenaline of riding a broom. All the friction... He shook his head and focused on wrapping his prize securely in his arms. He grin and inhaled (but not in a creeper way) enjoying the feeling of soft skin. In fact, some other parts of him enjoyed it as well.

"Ron! Hermione! You guys!"

Harry slammed into the sexual tension, ruining it forever. He flung his arms around both there shoulders, managing to shove himself between them quite nicely He _always_ managed to fit between them _quite nicely_. That's how he knew that he was destined to cockblock forever...

All those tips Moaning Mytle gave me have always worked quite nicely, he thought, thinking of the pale girl's pimpled face as it filled with glee as she told him great ways to know when his best friends were having sexy times and how to stop them from ever having that feeling ever again.

Truth be told, though, he was tired of cock-blocking. It got tiring. That's why he was trying to make this time the final time.

But the more he thought about it the more ridiculous it sounded. The next thing that you knew Snape would be throwing Dumbledore off a tower. Besides, Ron and Hermione would probably never not have sex. All that UST that had been building up since they were eleven, that stuff tends to come out in chunks.

He wrinkled his nose. Not like, losing your lunch chunks. That simply killed any arousal he got off of cockblocking his best friends. Which, speaking of them, he didn't think he was being oblivious, clingy, or obnoxious enough. "GUYYYYYS. Want to go poke sticks at the Giant Squid or something? I hear that he wants to take over London one day. Maybe we should try to talk him out of that."

"Harry... have you been eating pixie poo again? We told you about that..." Hermione bit her lip, trying to lean as far away as possible from him as she pulled the sheet to cover her body. "It heightens your sexual awareness and makes you turn mad for moments..."

Harry just grinned. What was Hermione talking about? He was sober, obviously. He wiped off the dust on his hands, smearing his pants with purple powder. It brought out his cockblocking skills quite nicely, he thought.

"No, seriously Harry... Have you been accepting presents from Romilda Vane again?" Hermione asked.

"Hey, Romilda is a very nice girl! And Ron was in love with her once, so there's nothing wrong with her! You're just jealous! It's not my fault that Rommie likes me best and gives me free stuff. Besides this is perfectly okay. See?" Harry thrust out the purple wrapped brown goo.

"Harry, mate. That isn't chocolate." Ron managed to say with a straight face, before burrowing his head into Hermione's breasts.

"I know that. Don't you know it's a high quality cockblocking aid?" A sly grin made it's way to his face, "Rommie said it's the best on the market you know."

Ron, overcome with 6 years of sexual frustration, tossed Hermione aside and thrust forward, pushing Harry out of his bed once and for all. "Fuck off and go to Horizontal Alley you git!"

Harry just stared in disbelief.

"Fine!"

He shoved a piece of a waxy-brown-substance-that-wasn't-pixie-poo into his mouth, angrily wiping away the tears on his face.

"Master! I have failed in all your techniques!"

...

The next day a pair of wire glasses were found outside Moaning Myrtle's toilet.


End file.
